English English jokes

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

crafty old Scotsman

I have to search for more jokes...coming up soon
Keep up the good work Songeur

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

One more slightly naughty one
let me know if it embarrasses you


Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off
the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of
condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

what is the different between the aeroplane and the baby? The aeroplane is flying from city to city and the baby is flying from titti to titti.

Doctor, my family think I'm mad.
Why?
Because I like sausages.
Nonsense, I like sausages too.
You do? You must come round and see my collection. I have hundreds.

The little camel asks his mother:
Mum why do we have these big humps?
Because in these hump there is some water and in the hot desert we can drink.
And mum. Why do we have this large fur?
Because the dessert at night is so cold and then we don’t feel cold.
And mum. Why do we got these big hoofs.
Because the desert the sand is hot and the hoofs save us from the hot sand.
But mum. What the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?