English English jokes
City boy: What a funny-looking cow! Why doesn´t it have horns?
Country boy: There are many reasons why a cow might not have horns. Some cows do not grow horns until late in life. Some cows do not grow horns at all. This cow doesn´t have horns because it is a horse.
Bärbel
Country boy: There are many reasons why a cow might not have horns. Some cows do not grow horns until late in life. Some cows do not grow horns at all. This cow doesn´t have horns because it is a horse.
Bärbel
old jokes but still funny
methinks
The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, "Next, please."
methinks
The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."
The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, "Next, please."
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4328580861337&set=vb.126696876138&type=2&theater
I hope you can open it...hihihihi
I hope you can open it...hihihihi
. The Ugliest Baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A young writer once wrote to the famous French novelist Dumas, asking to work with him. Dumas was astonished at so much impertinence. Angrily taking his pen he wrote: "How dare you yoke together a noble horse and a silly ass?" He received the following reply: "How dare you call me a horse?"
Dumas´s anger vanished and he wrote to the young man: "Send me your manuscript. I accept your proposition."
Dumas´s anger vanished and he wrote to the young man: "Send me your manuscript. I accept your proposition."
what a cheeky Young man
here is another one
Teacher: 'What's your name?'
Pupil: “Walter Miller.”
Teacher: “Always say “Sir” when speaking to a teacher”
Pupil (apologising)” “Sir Walter Miller.”
here is another one
Teacher: 'What's your name?'
Pupil: “Walter Miller.”
Teacher: “Always say “Sir” when speaking to a teacher”
Pupil (apologising)” “Sir Walter Miller.”
Father and son
After passing his driving test, Jimmy asks his father when he can use the family car. The father says he´ll make a deal with his son: "If you work harder at school, study your Bible and get a haircut, I´ll let you drive the car."
Six weeks later, Jimmy asks his father about the car.
"Well, son," his father says, "you´ve done well in your exams. I often see you reading your Bible. But you haven´t had your hair cut."
Jimmy smiles and says: "You know, Dad, I`ve noticed in my Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair and there´s even evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His father thinks about this and replies, "Did you also notice that all of them walked wherever they went?"
FROHE OSTERN wünscht Bärbel
After passing his driving test, Jimmy asks his father when he can use the family car. The father says he´ll make a deal with his son: "If you work harder at school, study your Bible and get a haircut, I´ll let you drive the car."
Six weeks later, Jimmy asks his father about the car.
"Well, son," his father says, "you´ve done well in your exams. I often see you reading your Bible. But you haven´t had your hair cut."
Jimmy smiles and says: "You know, Dad, I`ve noticed in my Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair and there´s even evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His father thinks about this and replies, "Did you also notice that all of them walked wherever they went?"
FROHE OSTERN wünscht Bärbel
why do Dad's always have to have the last word...smile
here is a longer one
AIDS WARNING!
To all of you approaching 60 or thereabout this email is especially for you......
SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
here is a longer one
AIDS WARNING!
To all of you approaching 60 or thereabout this email is especially for you......
SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
A lady onher way home feels that somebody is permanently following her. After a while she turns round and sees a man watching her. "Why do you persecue me?" she asks him. Surprised he answers:
"Well,that's what I wonder myself, now I've seen you face to face!"
"Well,that's what I wonder myself, now I've seen you face to face!"
To Rosemarie: That serves the man right!
To Yoli: I was laughing at all the AIDS! Above all the monetary aid to their kids!!
An other joke (a bit macabre):
An Irish end
Mrs O´Riley wants to place an obituary notice in the
newspaper for her husband, Pete. The man in the newspaper office says it will coast one euro a word. Mrs O´Riley has only two euros, so she writes: "Pete diet." The man says he think old Pete should get a few more words and offers her three more are no cost. So Mrs O´Riley thanks him and rewrites her text: "Pete diet. Boat for sale."
To Yoli: I was laughing at all the AIDS! Above all the monetary aid to their kids!!
An other joke (a bit macabre):
An Irish end
Mrs O´Riley wants to place an obituary notice in the
newspaper for her husband, Pete. The man in the newspaper office says it will coast one euro a word. Mrs O´Riley has only two euros, so she writes: "Pete diet." The man says he think old Pete should get a few more words and offers her three more are no cost. So Mrs O´Riley thanks him and rewrites her text: "Pete diet. Boat for sale."